FVK

I SAID: We are fucking into MOVEMENTS, BITCHES!

2006-11-21T16:21:00.000-05:00

We actually ARE into movements, homeboy

2006-11-20T13:01:00.000-05:00

I see you, mang. Do you see me? It's over for those BIOS, homey. ]

Love, The Check Writer

We Are 138

2006-08-15T12:27:00.000-04:00

I know I haven't posted in about two months, but this is so fucking awesome I just had to.

Me? I'm rooting for Glenn, but you just KNOW Rollins would chin check his liliputian-goth ass...

Ummmm...YES?!!!

2006-06-06T00:41:00.000-04:00

PARIS!

Crystals + TeePees = Awesome

2006-06-02T09:11:00.000-04:00

Everybody Daylight

Viva Los Pants!

2006-05-31T08:16:00.000-04:00

Who, What, Where, When, Why?

WUNT DUNT DUNT

2006-04-26T18:28:00.000-04:00

FEAR THE BEARD

2006-04-26T16:21:00.000-04:00

LET'S GO!

2006-04-07T14:18:00.000-04:00

SelectorGT: SFJ vs GFK
SelectorGT: SFJ: "Ok, Dennis...talk to me about the tome of italian cuisine running through your canon of work"
SelectorGT: GFK: "Italian is GOOD, G."
rr: "what about the socio sexual underpinnings of Halle Berry?"
SelectorGT: "She bangin, G"
rr: SFJ: "TRUE STORY"
SelectorGT: i often wonder what space aliens would think if they saw the remy ma video
SelectorGT: you know?
rr: they would turn around
rr: "fuck it, let's try another planet"
SelectorGT: if they saw a fall out boy video they'd be like "LET"S GO!"

Too Legit To Crit

2006-03-27T10:46:00.000-05:00

Thank you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and especially YOU.

Fuck That Fishscale Into Your Face

2006-03-19T19:05:00.000-05:00

Welcome To The Jungle...

2006-02-26T10:39:00.000-05:00

What FUN....

2006-02-15T08:23:00.000-05:00

Who IS that?!

I Couldn't Resist

2006-02-12T11:23:00.000-05:00

"Imagine being my publicist, how hard that's gotta be."

Oh My Word

2006-01-07T08:55:00.000-05:00

The Two Best Things This Week.

More Cowbell?

2005-12-21T18:16:00.000-05:00

Yes, thank you.

Canoedeling

2005-12-21T18:05:00.000-05:00

Thug Sailor

2005-12-12T12:24:00.000-05:00

"In Da Hizzouse?" Oh, you Old Gray Lady...

Satori in Sayulita

2005-11-19T11:49:00.000-05:00

Beautiful, lush, rolling coutryside? CHECK.

Sleepy, picturesque, remote Mexican surfing/fishing town? CHECK.

Fish tacos and sleeping dogs on the beach? CHECK.

Some of the best surf in Mexico? CHECK.

Greatful Dead surf painted pick up? CHECK.

These guys? CHECK.

And these? YUP!

Fucking awesome mexican hippy drum circle en la plaza? SURE.

Some more of these? WHY, THANK YOU!

Drunken Mexican sailor being loaded into truck? NIGHTLY.

Oranges Band album cover? CHECK.

Requisite endless summer shot? CHECK.

I Feel So Sexy Now

2005-11-07T16:51:00.000-05:00

SelectorGT: Wow
SelectorGT: so what's up with that snowman?
rr: "some officials concerned about drug message"
SelectorGT: a def jam spokesperson declined to comment
rr: note to CNN:
rr: "hoe please."
SelectorGT: A professor from Cornell says that pop culture may have some effect on kids and drug use
SelectorGT: imagine..
rr: NO
rr: !!!!
rr: STOP THE PRESSES!
SelectorGT: Dr. Gilbert Botvin, director of the Institute for Prevention Research at Cornell University Medical College, has been studying what influences children to use drugs and alcohol. He believes that pop culture does play a role. "The research tells us that influences coming from the media can have a profound effect on kids and influence them to use drugs," he says. "All of these things help to convey the impression that engaging in these behaviors using drugs is normal and that drugs might help you be successful or sexy or something."
SelectorGT: it's so fucking crazy
rr: dear dr Gilbert Botvin:
rr: drugs DO Make you successful and sexy.
rr: Gilbert Botvin, professor of the mundane and obvious, PhD.
SelectorGT: OK, I'm blogging this
rr: ok!
rr: PS whats a blog?
rr: can i eat it?
SelectorGT: no, YOU SNORT IT!
rr: perfect
rr: i feel so sexy now

We Love Howard

2005-10-23T10:55:00.000-04:00

“I got shot three times and my album comes out Nov. 22,” Giles said as he left Howard University Hospital Sunday afternoon with an entourage of friends, fellow rappers and bodyguards. “We love Howard.”

Please, say a little prayer for Mr. Giles.

Mingalin In Engalin

2005-10-08T17:18:00.000-04:00

Terminal

2005-08-26T19:52:00.000-04:00

There is a special little corner of hell reserved for all us.

Did you ever wonder what it would feel like to be stuck at LaGuardia for 4 hours after JUST missing your boss' G4?
It feels like this:

Each bite of "Chicken Strips" tastes tantilizingly like Cipriani's octopus carpaccio.

The crisp notes, bright bouqet, and earthy finish of your Miller Light brings to mind the Sancerre you're not having.

The polyeurethaned bar stool currently contributing to your inevitable curvature of the spine brings to mind - in SHARP contrast - the plush comfort of the G4's corintean leather captain's chairs, deftly ably to angle to a perfect 78 degrees for maximum DOZING.

The delicate over-the-counter perfume of the small shiny woman currently sloshing beers on your laptop brings about an olfactory hallucination of the robust, buxome swede who's just happy to SERVE you.

All of THIS, dear reader, and the promise of a soaked, hurricane-tossed celebrity-clusterfuck on the other end. Positively Yummy!

Broken Landscapes

2005-08-07T13:33:00.000-04:00

Broken Language

Fuck Pedro

2005-07-21T14:22:00.000-04:00

Vote for K.

Seriously.

The Golden Road

2005-07-20T07:53:00.000-04:00

To Unlimited Peedi.

The Disco Ball In My Mouth Insinuates I'm Ballin'

2005-07-17T10:30:00.000-04:00

What IS it about this doughy white kid? FVK can't quite figure it out, but it's just empirical. Paul Wall is a Champion for the People. Pascal agrees too. Drive Slow.

Say Hello

2005-07-09T12:00:00.000-04:00

Out in Europe, Spendin' Euros

2005-06-29T08:20:00.000-04:00

Thank you,Donatella, for the Cristal. It was very very good.

REAL POPLAR

2005-06-19T10:52:00.000-04:00

FVK's feeling less confrontational this morning, but every bit as stuntastic:

The morning after Summer Jam, we found ouselves here...

I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaack!

2005-06-18T10:21:00.000-04:00

And about to be a serious problem.

You see, some of these guys, they talk the talk, but they ain't walk the walk. We're talking ACCESS, people.

So while FVK has been known in the past to be killing y'all on that lyrical shit, the time has come to just straight-up STUNT.
Young Jeezy - My Hood

Shipbuilding: Diving For Dear Life, When We Should Be Diving For Pearls

2005-04-02T17:47:00.003-05:00

Once upon a time there was a planet.

A peaceful place with just the right climate. Inhabitable. Temperate. Air to breath, water to drink, bountiful harvests. A warm sun that fueled every living thing with it's radiant energy...wait. Hold up. That's not right.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT! It's actually a god-forsaken wasteland of eternal winters, howling winds, dark, brooding skies, pelting rains, ice and snow twenty-four-FUCKING-SEVEN! I FORGOT!

RF recently told me I was using too much profanity on the blog and that my writing was actually wittier without it. Well, Rick, that was a good point, and well taken, but GODDAMN IT THIS MOTHERFUCKING SHIT-ASS WINTER HAS GOT TO FUCKING STOP! DO I NEED TO BUILD A FUCKING ARK?! Am I a fucking weary, maddened Prospero, hurling useless profanities at the Tempest?!

With THAT off the collective chest, spring is hereby announced.

Oodles Of Doodles - or - Brooke Burke Is Playing At My House

2005-03-13T11:54:00.000-05:00

The art world just came crashing into my living room, totally uninvited. I was just waking up, puttering around the house, thinking about how totally mindblowing it is that Rosie O'Donnell has a blog AND is a huge Kanye fan, and POW, in busts the fucking art world.

"You're NOT invited to the Damien Hirst opening," it said, suddenly and haughtily, throwing a high-collared cape over it's gaunt shoulder. Shit, I was kinda just minding my own business over here, art world. I offered it a cup of coffee, but it just turned up it's aquiline nose and re-arranged the sparkly dangly things.

"The Armory Show is DEFINITELY OUT. The -scope fair? NOT HAPPENING. PS1, you're TOO LATE," the art world scoffed, and slapped me across the face with a copy of the New York Post's weekend spotlight on art happenings around the city. The goddam POST is this focused? I scratched my head, tugged on my sleeve and asked the art world to kindly leave, thank you very much.

Turning on E!, my nostrils still burning with patchouli, I was delighted to find a re-run of "Wild On: Ibiza!" I smiled, taking a good slug of warm coffee.

Thank you, Brooke Burke.

Love From The Linden Trees

2005-02-26T10:28:00.000-05:00

Cuidado! If you don't spend enough time gazing at media, you will miss killer shit like this.

Exactly what happened to FVK, good people, so be warned. This past week, meant to be a "break" between jobs, was spent running around Marcy Projects and Harlem, no time to stop and smell the Numa Numa.

Well, gotdamn. This is awesome. You did the same shit when you were a kid, but to Zeppelin.

I'm A Road Man For The Lords Of Karma

2005-02-25T22:27:00.000-05:00

I met Hunter Thompson, appropriately enough, at the Woody Creek Tavern, Summer '93.

"You one of the poets?" he mumbled, and extended his hand. As I went to shake it, he slipped me something.

The butt of a Merit, appropriately enough.

Fuck the Grammy story. This week only, I'm switching to Merits.

Two Bowls, One Headache: Part One

2005-02-15T19:48:00.000-05:00

Part One is a maddening clusterfuck of B-list bums desperately searching for, and finding, an opportunity to get drunk together. The sequel is an eternal procession of A-list entourages, achingly “dry.”

Part One: FVK highly recommends going to at least one Super Bowl before you die. Just a few weekends ago, we visited our second: in lovely, deliciously ”inhabitable” Jacksonville, Florida - the epicenter of what we would soon find out was one of the largest counties in these United States: “Duuuuuuuuuuvaaaaaaaaal!” (In general, FVK does not approve of folks identifying themselves with the “county” they live in. There is something particularly “country” about that.)

Yes, the good people of Duval county and the greater Jacksonville area take great pride in their home turf, seemingly on the virtue of it’s “livability” alone. Like all well-thought-out metro areas, they have attractions like good “roads,” “schools” and “sources of water.” I know this because every cab driver there - I swear the three of them are employed by the Duval County Chamber of Commerce Something - told me so, echoed by splashy cover pull-outs in the local daily. Yes, Jacksonville Welcomes Super Fans - A Great Place To Live!

Soon enough, all of these super fans would discover that Jacksonville was a far better place to live and work then wherever the fuck they were from and would move there with all of their friends immediately. Fortunately and Unfortunately, just about everyone there was too drunk to READ, and so the lies spread by the Florida Times-Union went largely unnoticed, as did the real truth about Jacksonville.

Jacksonville sucks.

Of course, no city is helped by a catastrophic infestation of Eagles Fans, a horde as ungodly as any we have discovered. They are drunken, rude, unkempt (the awfulest shade of green), and seemingly only able to spell things in unison and at great volumes. They are also, in the end, losers. Once again we direct you to the Good News to your right.

Highlights: Crime Mob on the radio. Picking up Bun B at the airport and delivering him to the Trillest superbowl party in the continental forty eight, where we had the opportunity to meet our new best friend, Young Jeezy!!! (His new mixtape is entitled "Come Shop With Me," which is, needless to say, awesome.) Also, making nice conversation with someone named Veronica at the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit party. She told us she was on the cover of the new swimsuit issue, but we just found her a sparkling conversationalist. Also, the World Champion New England Patriots rolling through the thousands of evil Eagles people in downtown Jacksonville in a four bus motorcade with police escort, like Moses parting the Green Sea.

Lowlights: The thousands of evil Eagles people. Joey Fatone and Boyz 2 Men fronting in the hotel lobby. A red-wine'd-up Mike Ditka at Ruth's Chris. Jacksonville.

Coming up: Part 2, in which Fearless Vampire Killer visits The Grammys!!

Land Of Confusion

2005-02-02T23:28:00.000-05:00

I just wrote the most cutting and brilliant critique of the S.O.T.U.

You'll never know that, though, because the damn laptop exploded, during which time I had the last of too many cocktails.

There was something about Nancy Pelosi looking like one of those ill Muppets from that Genesis video . No disrespect, but can somebody call Obama? Like, 911?

I'm so outta here. Off to Jacksonville, where "The Only One" has a gig with Big Boi and there is this thing called the Super Bowl.

Fearless Vampire Killers strongly endorse the New England Patriots in that particular contest and, come Monday, everyone can officially kiss our collective ass.

Meanwhile, do enjoy this particular jam , which reminds us of WBCN, Fun And Games on Rte 9 in Framingham, Trans-Ams, "The Sawx," and all that was good about growing up in Massachusetts in the 70's.

We Be Gettin' Money

2005-02-01T09:18:00.000-05:00

They certainly took it all the way there, didn't they? There is something so terribly wrong about Santana, it's just undeniably right. He makes me wish I too could see life through a filter that makes this Rolling Stones classic sound like a perfect crack anthem. Wait. It kinda is. FVK posts this little rock today strictly for your aural delight. Thank you, Mr. Santana, for giving Keith and Sir Mick their groove back.

Fearless Vampire Killers

2005-01-30T11:32:00.000-05:00

Yes, it's the name of Bad Brains track. It's also the name of this blog.

You see, the mp3 blogs have become a bit of an obsession around my house. About five months back, my man John B called me up positively beaming on some "You aint up on this." He was plugging something called Dungen, and after a brief description, I could tell holmes had clearly beaten The Fader to the hipster punch. Swedish psychedelia, what?! Needless to say, this particular "music business professional" had been served a steaming dish of humble pie; "I'm Losing My Edge," or something to that effect. So it was on that fateful day our unwitting seer John B said "What, you don't know about the mp3 blogs?! I'm about to change your life forever..."

Well, he got that right. Five months later I'm fully up on The Dap Kings and Annie and the like. Beatles MOOG covers. Elvis Presley/Lee Scratch Perry mash-ups. Things that only exist in the blogosphere. I didn't know it, but life seemed kinda incomplete without Cocaine Blunts. Now everything has changed. It's like somebody turned on the light.

"I gotta get a blog..."

I'm not really sure what Fearless Vampire Killers is going to be about, or how it's going to evolve. After having been to the end of the "intranet" and back, I'm pretty sure it's not going to be an mp3 blog. Y'all are seriously focused out there, and I'm not going to even pretend the crates run that deep around my way, though you may see a bomb tune from time to time. You also may see some sort of cultural "commentary" (read: "rants"). We here at Fearless Vampire Killers reserve the right to bury a soundbwoy when necessary.

I've been postponing this first post for too long. I have to admit, January has brought a bit of "sturm unt drang" around SelectorGT's astral plane. I mean, shit is just crazy. Today, for example, Iraq is having a thing called "elections." Plus, I didn't know what to name the blog, and I got too many peeps out there that have their blog game seriously up. Stakes is high. But last night, I had one of those ill Vampire dreams - second in as many weeks - that wakes you up in a sweat and sends you running to your therapist's couch. (Note to self: get a therapist in '05). This morning, armed with a cup of strong coffee and the Best of UGK, I said "Kill the Vampire, kid,"

So welcome to Fearless Vampire Killers. Pascal and I had an idea to start up a Grateful Dead/Bad Brains mash-up cover band, but I think this is a way better look.

oh, and shout to fam:

Catchdubs
Young Els
Caramizzle
Soul Sides
Chauncey
Dip Set
S/FJ
K