Saturday, February 26, 2005

Love From The Linden Trees

Cuidado! If you don't spend enough time gazing at media, you will miss killer shit like this.

Exactly what happened to FVK, good people, so be warned. This past week, meant to be a "break" between jobs, was spent running around Marcy Projects and Harlem, no time to stop and smell the Numa Numa.

Well, gotdamn. This is awesome. You did the same shit when you were a kid, but to Zeppelin.

Friday, February 25, 2005

I'm A Road Man For The Lords Of Karma

I met Hunter Thompson, appropriately enough, at the Woody Creek Tavern, Summer '93.

"You one of the poets?" he mumbled, and extended his hand. As I went to shake it, he slipped me something.

The butt of a Merit, appropriately enough.

Fuck the Grammy story. This week only, I'm switching to Merits.

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

Two Bowls, One Headache: Part One

Part One is a maddening clusterfuck of B-list bums desperately searching for, and finding, an opportunity to get drunk together. The sequel is an eternal procession of A-list entourages, achingly “dry.”

Part One: FVK highly recommends going to at least one Super Bowl before you die. Just a few weekends ago, we visited our second: in lovely, deliciously ”inhabitable” Jacksonville, Florida - the epicenter of what we would soon find out was one of the largest counties in these United States: “Duuuuuuuuuuvaaaaaaaaal!” (In general, FVK does not approve of folks identifying themselves with the “county” they live in. There is something particularly “country” about that.)

Yes, the good people of Duval county and the greater Jacksonville area take great pride in their home turf, seemingly on the virtue of it’s “livability” alone. Like all well-thought-out metro areas, they have attractions like good “roads,” “schools” and “sources of water.” I know this because every cab driver there - I swear the three of them are employed by the Duval County Chamber of Commerce Something - told me so, echoed by splashy cover pull-outs in the local daily. Yes, Jacksonville Welcomes Super Fans - A Great Place To Live!

Soon enough, all of these super fans would discover that Jacksonville was a far better place to live and work then wherever the fuck they were from and would move there with all of their friends immediately. Fortunately and Unfortunately, just about everyone there was too drunk to READ, and so the lies spread by the Florida Times-Union went largely unnoticed, as did the real truth about Jacksonville.

Jacksonville sucks.

Of course, no city is helped by a catastrophic infestation of Eagles Fans, a horde as ungodly as any we have discovered. They are drunken, rude, unkempt (the awfulest shade of green), and seemingly only able to spell things in unison and at great volumes. They are also, in the end, losers. Once again we direct you to the Good News to your right.

Highlights: Crime Mob on the radio. Picking up Bun B at the airport and delivering him to the Trillest superbowl party in the continental forty eight, where we had the opportunity to meet our new best friend, Young Jeezy!!! (His new mixtape is entitled "Come Shop With Me," which is, needless to say, awesome.) Also, making nice conversation with someone named Veronica at the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit party. She told us she was on the cover of the new swimsuit issue, but we just found her a sparkling conversationalist. Also, the World Champion New England Patriots rolling through the thousands of evil Eagles people in downtown Jacksonville in a four bus motorcade with police escort, like Moses parting the Green Sea.

Lowlights: The thousands of evil Eagles people. Joey Fatone and Boyz 2 Men fronting in the hotel lobby. A red-wine'd-up Mike Ditka at Ruth's Chris. Jacksonville.

Coming up: Part 2, in which Fearless Vampire Killer visits The Grammys!!

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Land Of Confusion

I just wrote the most cutting and brilliant critique of the S.O.T.U.

You'll never know that, though, because the damn laptop exploded, during which time I had the last of too many cocktails.

There was something about Nancy Pelosi looking like one of those ill Muppets from that Genesis video . No disrespect, but can somebody call Obama? Like, 911?

I'm so outta here. Off to Jacksonville, where "The Only One" has a gig with Big Boi and there is this thing called the Super Bowl.

Fearless Vampire Killers strongly endorse the New England Patriots in that particular contest and, come Monday, everyone can officially kiss our collective ass.

Meanwhile, do enjoy this particular jam , which reminds us of WBCN, Fun And Games on Rte 9 in Framingham, Trans-Ams, "The Sawx," and all that was good about growing up in Massachusetts in the 70's.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

We Be Gettin' Money

They certainly took it all the way there, didn't they? There is something so terribly wrong about Santana, it's just undeniably right. He makes me wish I too could see life through a filter that makes this Rolling Stones classic sound like a perfect crack anthem. Wait. It kinda is. FVK posts this little rock today strictly for your aural delight. Thank you, Mr. Santana, for giving Keith and Sir Mick their groove back.

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